Okay, here are a few roast comeback options for a "zesty pan cooking lover who has no bitches AND won't stop fucking drawing for 39820938109381032 hours a damn day":

Option 1 (Sarcastic & Witty):

"Wow, that's a lot of time spent perfecting your culinary masterpieces and artistic skills. Must be lonely at the top of your… uh… incredibly niche hobby pyramid."

Option 2 (Playful & Teasing):

"I see you've mastered the art of searing both meat and your social life. Impressive dedication to your craft, though maybe consider diversifying your portfolio – perhaps a dating app for artists who love zesty pan cooking?"

Option 3 (More Aggressive & Direct - Use with Caution):

"So, your life's a delicious, yet tragically solitary, blend of sizzling pans and endless sketches? Sounds about right for someone with your… uh… unique social skills."

Option 4 (Witty & Observational):

"I bet your apartment smells amazing. Probably the only company you get these days, besides your pans and pencils."

Option 5 (Self-deprecating & Humorous):

"Hey, at least you're passionate! I'm just over here wondering if my dating profile picture should feature me with or without my crippling social anxiety." (This one deflects and subtly mocks back)

Option 6 (Short & Sweet):

"Sounds like you're well-seasoned in both the kitchen and solitude."

The best option will depend on your relationship with the person and the overall tone you want to set. Remember, humor is subjective, so choose the comeback that you find the funniest and most appropriate for the situation.